The co-creative relationship, that's it!
I believe this to be what i've been looking for. Two marriages (dissolved) and many relationships later, i found this phrase. It helps me give meaning to what i was seeking in a loving partnership, i wanted to find the more in myself and in another, in the together.
I was born knowing i had something special to deliver, i was unique for a purpose. I think we are all born knowing that we are special, then we "lose" it.
That is a problem; for we are in a culture that wants to plug us into a system that is touted as the best ever possible thing and when you look at it and say "i am pretty sure it needs work," you are the trouble. When the messenger is deemed a troublemaker, the problem festers.
I was considered smart, so i was kept on a fast and interesting track until it failed me by not looking at the Viet Nam War. Any system that sanctioned what i saw as murder, could not be "right." I had seen photos of Soviet women in Life Magazine when i was in grade school. I looked at them and decided that no mother wanted a kid blown apart in a war, therefore it isn't the people who want the wars, so who does ?
My politics were being formed but in the love story, the alternative track was like a zero.
I was fed on stories of romance and diapers, of prince charmings and comatose princesses. This colored my world. These stories, like the other cultural tales, were laid down, layer after layer, telling me who i was supposed to be. Some i questioned, others i didn't and should have.
Education did not stifle my inner truth but it buried it. The flame stayed alive, undercover, flaring up every once in awhile, burning me and who ever else was around.
I didn't know enough about relationships to consciously question love stories. Fighting back was a subconscious attempt for survival.
It wreaked havoc with relationships.
One problem with the old Love and Marriage Story, was that it was a prequel for a procreative destiny. I had nothing against having a child, it was just not a priority.
On the flipside- I love my son, i am glad i decided to have the experience when i did, i am just saying it wasn't the plan.
I didn't have a plan, because i only knew the stories i didn't want. The domestic reward for marriage seemed under compensated. Even in the "you can have it all"era there were missing pieces, like time.
The whore, old maid with cats, exec women who could cut a throat as well as a man -these stories didn't cut it.
So i looked elsewhere and landed on rock n roll. A superior story was being told in the urban underbelly. Art was laying claim to city blocks. Clubs opened to share the voice and in the music, i found heroes.
I loved many, most of them men. Then i heard Patti Smith, she said things i recognized as true.
She was one of the few women rockers that toppled the construct; she had something real to say. i needed her to be in the world. A few days ago i read "Just Kids." This is a co-creative love story. Patti's relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe is one of unconditional love that supports the soul, if not the body. It proves another level of love. Once again, Patti Smith has come through for me. Angels are everywhere and they are Dancing Barefoot.
"We never had any children," he said ruefully.
PS. This is where having it all counts. Romance and co-creativity- Waiting for the star man.