Valentine Delivered

Early morning thought:

When Love crashes into Fear and Love embraces Fear and murmurs "everything is ok, we can meet this together head on all snarls and hugs, all "want yous and run aways"  does this open the door to home, is this what it takes to fill the hole in many a soul?  I am not sure, but i think the answer is Yes.

This is what i have found -after 2 marriages and many semi intimate relationships later. There is no safety chain in love, for that comfort edge is a construct of control. It feels safe, but it’s a stall.

When fear equals the love in a sexual relationship, then perhaps that is the meeting of star to star, starmates are not  soulmates, they are more.

When the energy with eros is confusing, complex, driven and fear ridden,  is this the emotion of the mystery we are daring now to face? Is this the new face of love, equal archetype powered, always shifting, open and curious, always ready to cover each other’s back and to call each other out. When we are trapped, stuck or mystified are we ready to show that vulnerable being to another so that we all heal together?  Are we ready?

This emotional crash isn't easy, is not that comfortable, "safe"  haven we think we want. This feeling goes past the cozy, reflective self, the list partner, this forces a dive into the abyss of change and transformation, because it is that scary. Old instincts say, "turn and run like "hell" and risk says. "reach out and embrace that person, they are the fear/love collision that will smack you into unity, they will crack you open, enable your soar.

This emotion pushes your soft spots and jabs your buttons. This is the best way i can describe the amazing journey i have been experiencing.  Being cracked open forced me to go into the center of being- and gave the Isa journey story a title

If that isn't a gift of love ...what is?

Pleasing the other, playing the roles, reading the advice from the divide, aka how to catch a man/woman, how to get the attention, the "love" sought from the "other," all of this is old paradigm and will continue an old story. Though the adaptions are myriad and called progressive, evolutionary leaps  are more strenuous and easy at once!

Until the  "other" is intrinsically the you, until you see the sides and respond to the whole of another's being, the tawdry, the what the fucks, the sweet, the dumb, the endearing, the weak chin, the tummy,  the eyes that transport, the heart beating and running away, the final heart beat, the beauty of  "endings," until this makes sense; i suspect we are just toying with life and love and not accepting the full responsibility.

The old patterns are resulting in such devastation; to planet, health, relationships, sanity, there is no way i am buying that sell.The new story evolves after the ashes fall from the sky and the horizon clears.  You see and feel the breath of the answer and you know your heart understood all along.

So the old think stinks, and the new ones are most def="scary" and so far "unproven" in the old format, however under quantum physics all that changed about a century ago!

The Trailblazers always risk the most- God love 'em,  Gaid nurture them, we are going to get past this bump. God embraces Gaia and life inherited consciousness and the energy to be in the experience of the consciousness. How cool is that?

So co- creative love is a next response concept. I believe it will push us away from fake security and rock us, hurt us and catapult us into potential. It is what i am finding to be true. The experiment continues.

Another Kind of Relationship

The co-creative relationship, that's it!

I believe this to be what i've been looking for. Two marriages (dissolved) and  many relationships later, i found this phrase. It helps me give meaning to what i was seeking in a loving partnership, i wanted to find the more in myself and in another, in the together.

 I was born knowing i had something special to deliver, i was unique for a purpose. I think we are all born knowing that we are special, then we "lose" it.

That is a problem; for we are in a culture that wants to plug us into a system that is touted as the best ever possible thing and when you look at it and say "i am pretty sure it needs work," you are the trouble. When the messenger is deemed a troublemaker, the problem festers.

I was considered smart, so i was kept on a fast and interesting track until it failed me by not looking at the Viet Nam War. Any system that sanctioned what i saw as murder, could not be "right." I had seen photos of Soviet women in Life Magazine when i was in grade school. I looked at them and decided that no mother wanted a kid blown apart in a war, therefore it isn't the people who want the wars, so who does ?

My politics were being formed but in the love story, the alternative track was like a zero.

 I was fed on stories of romance and diapers, of prince charmings and comatose princesses. This colored my world. These stories, like the other cultural tales, were laid down, layer after layer, telling me who i was supposed to be. Some i questioned, others i didn't and should have.

Education did not stifle my inner truth but it buried it. The flame stayed alive, undercover, flaring up every once in awhile, burning me and who ever else was around.

 I didn't know enough about relationships to consciously question love stories.  Fighting back was a subconscious attempt for survival.

It wreaked havoc with relationships.

One problem with the old Love and Marriage Story, was that it was a prequel for a procreative destiny. I had nothing against having a child, it was just not a priority.

On the flipside- I love my son, i am glad i decided to have the experience when i did, i am just saying it wasn't the plan.

I didn't have a plan, because i only knew the stories i didn't want. The domestic reward for marriage seemed under compensated. Even in the "you can have it all"era there were missing pieces, like time.

The whore, old maid with cats, exec women who could cut a throat as well as a man -these stories didn't cut it.

So i looked elsewhere and landed on rock n roll. A superior story was being told in the urban underbelly. Art was laying claim to city blocks. Clubs opened to share the voice and in the music, i found heroes.

I loved many, most of them men. Then i heard Patti Smith, she said things i recognized as true.

She was one of the few women rockers that toppled the construct; she had something real to say. i needed her to be in the world.  A few days ago i read "Just Kids." This is a co-creative love story. Patti's relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe is one of  unconditional love that supports the soul, if not the body. It proves another level of love. Once again, Patti Smith has come through for me. Angels are everywhere and they are Dancing Barefoot.

"We never had any children," he said ruefully.

"Our work was our children." (Just Kids, p 174)

PS. This is where having it all counts. Romance and co-creativity- Waiting for the star man.